The Wedding I Never Knew I Wanted
by dontmissthis
Summary: Jane and Maura are finally getting married. But, is that something Jane really wants?


**Disclaimer: not mine. **

**A/N: Don't kill me when you're done. **

…

She's beautiful. Breathtaking, even. Her white train slowly trails behind her as she walks down the aisle towards me in the dress she's dreamed about since her youth. I didn't get my baseball jersey, but at least she let me represent my favorite team in a white suit and red tie. Instead of volcanoes or baseball fields, we compromised on having our wedding outside in Maura's parents' back yard.

There are her favorite flowers and more people I could ever count. Maura picked out and planned everything after I told her I didn't want a hand in it because I wanted what she wanted. It's amazing, just like I knew it would be. _She's_ amazing, just like I knew she was from the moment I met her.

She finally gets down the aisle and stands in front of me. She's smiling at me like I am the best thing in the entire world. I know I brought stability and love into her life, she tells me every single morning when we wake up together.

Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears from her happiness. For the first time in a long time—maybe in her whole life—she feels wanted. She has a family now. There's no way I could ever be selfish and deny her that.

She squeezes my hands as the officiator clears his voice to speak. "The step which you are about to take is the most important into which human beings can come…."

My mind starts racing and my hands start trembling as I hear his words. The past eight months rush through my brain so quickly it's making me dizzy.

"_I'm so proud of you, Janie. Maura's always been the daughter I never had," Ma says as she's wiping a tear from her eye._

_A small flash of jealousy runs through me. "Hey! What was I? A maid?"_

_She laughs. "Certainly not. You'd be a horrible maid!"_

"—It is a union of two people founded upon mutual respect and affection…"

"_Maura's perfect for ya, Jane. I'm glad my badass big sis found happiness, ya know? I always worried about you."_

_I absentmindedly nod at Frankie, "Yeah. Thanks."_

_He laughs and slaps my shoulder as he walks off. "I should be thanking you. Now Ma won't bug me about having kids anytime soon. _

"—Your lives will change, your responsibilities will increase, but your joy will be multiplied if you are sincere and earnest with your pledge to one another…"

"_I heard Maura asked you to marry her," Korsak snickers. "I always pegged you to be the one with the balls, Janie."_

_I throw a paperwad at him from across the room. "Shut up." She knew I'd never take the initiative to ask her to marry me, so she asked instead. How could I say no when she went through so much trouble; when she's so happy?_

"_Aw, lighten up. The Doc is good for you. She softens up the rough edges," he says with the conviction of a father proud of his daughter. If I had said no, he would've been added to the list of people I would've disappointed. _

"_Yeah, Korsak, she does."_

"Maura Isles, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?"

She lets out a breathy laugh and nods, one joyful tear rolling down her cheek. "I do."

He turns and looks at me. "Jane Rizzoli, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?"

I will my hands to stop shaking as I take in a deep breath. Do I?

"_Can I come," she whispers after I tell her about my lame childhood wedding fantasy._

_I roll over on the mattress towards her. "Maybe," I tease. She's my best friend, of course she can come. If I ever decide to settle down that is._

"_Oh-kay,"she says, her voice shaky. _

_A lone tear slips out and rolls down her cheek. I was just kidding, I never meant for her to cry. I reach over and wipe it from her face. "Maura, I was just kidding. Of course you can come."_

_She rolls over and looks at me. We are so close our noses are almost touching. "What…What would I come as?"_

_My eyebrows knit together. There's no way she's implying what I think she's implying. "What do you mean, Maura?"_

_She reaches up and wipes another tear from her eyes before it has the chance to escape. "When you said 'us' did you mean you and I were the people in your fantasy?"_

_My eyes get wide and I gulp. No, no I didn't mean us. I meant me and my fake future husband. And apparently it shows all over my face because she stands to get up. I sit up and grab her arm but she shrugs me away. "Maura, don't—"_

"_I—I have to go, Jane."_

_She gets up and starts to walk to the door, but I get to her before she can open it. I spin her around to look at me. Our eyes lock for seconds, minutes, years. The silence is excruciating. She lifts her hand up and brushes a strand of hair away from my face. "I'm in love with you, Jane. I have been for a long time."_

_My mouth drops open and I take in a deep breath. It's like I've been punched in the gut. That's not something I ever expected her to say to me. She sees my hesitation and pulls her hand back. "I understand if you don't feel the same, Jane. I hope things don't have to change between us now."_

_She turns to go but I reach out and squeeze her shoulder. "Maura, wait…"_

_If I tell her I don't love her, things will never be the same again, no matter how hard we try. She's my best friend, my confidant, my escape when things get rough. I love her. I need her, even. But I'm not IN love with her. But I can't stand to see her face this downtrodden and dejected. I can't lose her—I know I'll die without her. I'll do anything for her. Even lie to make her happy. _

"_I'm—I'm in love with you, too."_

_She breaks in a smile that is totally worth my deceit. "Really?"_

_I nod and try to smile back, hoping she can't see right through it. "Yeah, Maur. Really."_

"I do," I say with a nod. More to convince myself with anyone else in the room. I don't have to be in love with her to do all of those things. Even if we had never gotten married, I would've done the same things. It's probably best we ended up like this.

"Okay, in as much as Maura Rizzoli-Isles and Jane Rizzoli-Isles have consented together in wedlock and have witnessed the same before this company, and pledged their vows to each other, by the authority vested in me by the State of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you to be married. You may now kiss the bride."

She leans in to kiss me. Her lips are soft and warm against mine. I want it to feel right. I want it to feel perfect. But, it doesn't. It's compatible. Comfortable. Just like it's been every time since our first kiss. There's just absolutely no spark for me. For her, I know it's different. She craves this. This is what she's wanted for a very, very long time. And who am I to keep her from what she needs from me?

There's no doubt that I'm happy with her. Our relationship is easy, consistant. Even before we got together, I put her wishes before mine. I'd kill for her. I'd die to see her happy.

But I never dreamed I would settle down like this. That's the thing about Maura, though. I'd give up everything for her any day. Even if it means giving up a future I could've shared with someone I was actually in love with.

….

Welp. Sorry 'bout it. /:


End file.
